Unwanted Seeds: I know you love your partner very much, and you love to share everything and anything with them, but please be careful not to tell your partner everything your family says about them in secret, especially those opinions that will hurt your partner’s feelings.
This has killed alot of marriages even before they walk down the aisle. Your mom doesn’t like your man very much, or your dad has some reservations about some certain aspect of your fiancee, but because you love your partner so much you rush off to tell them about all the unpleasant opinions your family have about your partner.
From your view, this is love. This is communication. This is transparency and openness. But unknowing to you, what you are doing is, you are building little seeds of bitterness, grudge, anger, and creating a distance in your partner towards your family.
Being transparent and open with each other is a good thing every couple should have, but let the wisdom of God guide you through the things you should say, and the things that should remain a secret from your partner.
This happens alot in the premarriage session. That moment when your family is not in support of you getting married to that person and they start saying all sort of things about your partner, instead of handling those issues on the family level, you open up too much about some of the hurtful things your family is saying about your partner and start growing seeds that should never be planted in the first place. Six months after your family have finally let you marry that person, you begin to wonder why your wife doesn’t flow well with our mother, or why your husband is always trying to avoid sitting in the same room with your father. It’s the seed you unknowingly planted out of love. It is easy for your partner to forgive all that was said, but those hurting opinions are not always easy to forget.
She cannot flow very well with your mom because when you were dating you told her your mom calls her a witch for trying to charm her son into marrying her.
He cannot watch the news with your father because you told him how your father thinks he is a nobody who cannot take care of his daughter.
You planted so many unwanted seeds. You could not keep your big mouth shut. You were too immature to handle your family on the family level. You were not discerning enough to know what to say and what to keep a secret.
… (To be continued)
READ: FAMILY TIES | Part I