The challenge I see a lot of the time is that young people are looking for the ideal man or woman. Your ideal husband or wife is already married, that is why some people fall in love with married people.
A lot of the time, this guy or lady who looks perfect was not like that when he/she got married. If in your vision your husband is a CEO, can you recognize him when he is not yet a CEO?
When Pastor Nike and I got married, we were not the way we are now. It has taken investment for us to get here. I have issues with guys who are turning bachelorhood into an institution, there are lots of people around town who are not getting married because they want to own a mansion, have some money and cars before they settle down, they already have a job and they are waiting to have an ideal financial situation before marriage, I am telling you, if you are in that situation, you have been deceived.
What a lady needs is not a perfect man in the present, what she needs is a man who has a vision, a man who can define exactly where he is going and who he is going to be. That is what also defines the kind of wife you should marry. When Pastor Nike and I got engaged, when we were courting to be married, we discussed our salaries and I discovered that her allowance as a Youth Corper was more than my salary as a pastor. The day I told her my salary, I quickly told her, ‘you know what? It’s not going to be like this forever, I am going somewhere’. I described the future for her.
The essence of leadership is having a vision and the capacity to communicate it. You should be able to sell your vision to a lady. As a lady if your accessment about a man is who the person is today, you will soon be decieved because the fact that he has a car now is no guarantee that he will have a car in 5 years time.
Making a choice for marriage is largely a matter of intuition. Some people, all they think about is the wedding day. After the wedding, what next ? Who is this person going to be? This is the reason why your becoming matured is critical, your spiritual maturity is the key thing. Your greatest asset in finding someone to marry is your ability to hear from God. Nobody can accurately predict your future or guarantee what it will turn out to be except God.
You need to grow spiritually and develop the ability to hear from God. Take time to pray, catch a vision from your future and then you can marry someone who aligns with that vision. Once your vision of the future is defined, your value will be defined. Your values are the things that are very important to you. If you value spirituality, you have to marry someone who values spirituality or else you will crack the home up from the foundation.
You may have some few differences, but your basic values, foundational values, core values need to align. This is why you need to grow and mature because when you are not yet matured, your values are not yet defined. Once your future is defined who to marry will be defined. It is not everyone that is husband/wife material for you.
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