“Sir, I know it is God’s will but I can’t marry him”, she said.
The secret conflict many of us are experiencing in our relationships and marriages comes from our desires. As human beings, we grow up with some certain pictures in our mind(what we like and dislike) which normally place challenges on us in choice making. Many at times the will of God for our lives in marriage seems to go against our long earthen desires. Many who are sure of God’s voice and leading couldn’t go in the direction because it’s against what they wanted or like. I I’ll like to share with you how you can love that brother or sister God has given to you that is not suitable to you.
ABSOLUTE DETERMINATION TO DO GOD’S WILL.
This might sound rigid but that is the truth. The only way to overcome the pressure of who to marry in life is to absolutely determine to marry God’s will for your life. Determine not to settle for the less. Be fully ready to marry whoever God brings to you. A sister once told me when I asked about her relationship, “sir am praying but am afraid” why are you afraid I demanded “Am scared God might bring the person I don’t like to me and am not ready to marry any man that does not meet my taste”. That is the challenge right? But the secret is she has not seen the reason why God’s will should override her own. Beloved, the first secret to loving the unloved brother or sister is the determination to love and cherish him or her. Be conclusive in your mind to go with God irrespective of what you want or desire. My woman did not really want me because my social life was nothing to write about but yet agreed to obey God because she has settled in her heart that it is either God’s will or nothing. If you really want to enjoy your marriage then determine to follow God’s will absolutely.
PRAY INTO LOVE.
Prayer is an act you must perform not only to know the will of God but also to grow in his will. Love does not emanate from nothing but from God himself. Therefore you need to pray for God to bring the love of your partner into your heart. Don’t pretend to love him/her when you do not. Be truthful to yourself,seek the face of God in prayer, let the Holy Spirit share abroad in your heart the love of your woman/man. The same way you pray to receive him/her, the same way you will pray to love him/her. The day i accepted to marry my wife in God’s presence,that day I received grace to love her. I like robust and chubby woman,most of my female friends on and outside campus are chubby and I like it. My friend once said jokingly that “pastor likes chubby sisters sha!!!”, and that was the truth then. Here is the matter, the woman God brought to me is a very slim one and her stature was behind my liking. This on it’s own is a matter, but after accepting God’s will, I prayed for grace love and accept her and God granted it. Today I love her more than all the women in the world. The secret is prayer. Pray for all things and for anything. Pray for love and you will love.
GROW IN AGAPE.
Agape is God’s kind of love, it is the love that lives without condition. It is never attached to beauty,fame,wealth or money. It is the love that comes from God. My daddy once told me that when you love a woman, you will love her children. Same principle is true here. If you love God, you will love whoever He wants you to marry. If you really want to love the person God has brought to you, then grow in God’s love. Those that love God never exalts their will above His will. They prefer to die than to exist without him. It is true that many who are running helter skelter in knowing and accepting God’s will today do not love God. They only come to God when they are in problem or in need of something. I have discovered that the more I love God,the more I love my wife. I once told God to help me to love him more than everything in the world including my life and help me to love Gloria than anyone else. This on it’s own is a turning point for me. From there I knew that the secret of LOVE is LOVE.
GROW IN UNDERSTANDING
Many at times we don’t love people because we don’t understand them. We thought to our own best of knowledge that they are not good enough for us but the truth is, the hidden treasure in a man or woman is deeper than what eyes can see. You need to grow in your understanding of God’s word to love and accept God’s will for your life. The more you study God’s Word and grow in the knowledge of Christ, the more you will love your partner. God’s Word changes and turn your mind towards God. It helps you see the better part of your partner. You can love that sister/brother by having delight in God’s word. Change your mindset and perception about whom God has made for your life and you will devotionally love him/her.
GROW IN COMMUNICATION
Love is like a mustard seed,it grows faster on a fertile soil of good heart especially when it is watered with communication.The truth is that the person you seem not to love today might be your best friend tomorrow if only you give enough time for communication and intimacy. The only way you can trigger away unloving feelings is to communicate. Take time to talk to holy spirit. Grow in your communication with him. Then to your unloved partner. Keep talking to him or her, the more you talk and gist with your partner, the more you will love him/her. If there is anything remarkable in our courtship, it is communication and It pays off today. If you will accept that brother or sister the way they are and apply the principles above then i assure you of a joyful home.
Please love your partner before you say yes I do! It is easy to generate love in friendship and courtship period than marriage. May the good Lord grant you success in your relationship and marriage.